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This period signifies a full decade since the term “disappearing” hit the common lexicon. At the time, the concept that someone could abruptly cease all contact with a lover without a word seemed like the height of indignity. We were so innocent. In the 10 years since, navigating toward a mate has only become more bewildering – an frequently fruitless pursuit in embarrassment that is increasingly defined by social media slang.

Zoomers, a demographic who matured during a loneliness epidemic, a male identity crisis, and a concerted attack on the freedoms of females and the queer community, faces a far messier terrain than their Gen Y elders could ever imagine. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown longer and more unhinged, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” pushing the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a detailed breakdown to the words Zoomers is using to navigate love, sex and the search of both. To echo one of the recent most viral memes, by the end of this guide you’ll ache to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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A

Authenticity – In the view of gen Z, dating’s gold standard is showing up as your true, unfiltered self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Avian theory – A TikTok trend inspired by a test developed by relationship scientists, in which you point out something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your partner’s reply is interested or disinterested. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s response to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while exuding enigma and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

C

Chair theory – This means going for someone who supports you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a chair for you to sit down.

Choremance – A meet-up where two people form a link while running errands, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how broke twentysomethings do low-cost dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Crashing out – Having a breakdown when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can crash out over a crush or split, spilling all of your (unrequited) feelings.

D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a signifier of 80s yuppie affluence, it refers to partners who forgo having children to focus on their own well-being. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Open communication – The opposite of acting aloof: practicing dialogue, transparency and openness.

F

Flags

• Red flags – Behavioral traits indicating a prospective partner is not right. Examples include calling their exes crazy, poor gratuity habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a new DJ career …
• Positive signs – These traits confirm your choice to pursue a partner. For instance following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal phone use, owning a bed frame …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe niche, largely inoffensive quirks. For instance being an keen birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their wallet, paying the rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you find someone who’s just as obsessive about documentaries about the second world war or physical media hoarding or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who despises the same things or people that you do (nothing creates intimacy faster than having a nemesis).

G

The band Geese – A band many young men is into.

Zombie-ing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a length of disappearing.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and loyal. The rare partner who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online community of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, deliberately postponing orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A mindset describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An ideal championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and happily home-oriented, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Icks – Random and frequently trivial turnoffs that immediately kill any sense of interest.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an incredibly thoughtful display.

J

Careers – These have not been this crucial in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd prefer partners in professions they see as being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, teachers or therapists.

K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that kissing has existed for 16 million years. But the days of kissing may be limited since some Zoomers prefer fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic romance authentic.

Light catfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {