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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

At times she films me while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it’s like a sudden shock.

A close companion of a decade, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a bit, but it strains our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to document everything constantly. When we eat out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when strangers see her posing or filming – I experience vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She creates video blogs about city life, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be involved. On occasion I'm captured while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram later, and it comes like a surprise: I might be no makeup on, making a strange expression or be captured while eating. It feels invasive.

She also expects me to record her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I’ll be talking to another person, or we're simply spending time in the street. I feel like our friendship has transformed into me being her free crew. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my unease about this arrangement, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of brand events, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I spend helping her make content.

I’m grateful that Marielle has helped me with my career in design, but I resist our friendship to become just a ledger of favours. I don't believe she’s fake or dishonest, but at times it seems that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and film me laughing with someone. It’s so silly. I need her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy being with her, but I also desire to experience it without being recorded, edited, or shared for an audience. I’m not a prop for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the content we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about creating videos. It's more than a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online enables me to express myself and connect with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your passions. I admire people on social platforms who execute that style of informal, self-made film-making.

Content creation is my interpretation of engaging with life: observing the nuances, posting them with an viewership that appreciates the craft behind it. I never intend to make Beth uneasy. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my method of sharing opportunities, providing her a chance to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her professional path too. That’s not leverage, it’s just being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see the benefits the content we make together can achieve: a foot in the door. I understand not everyone enjoys being filmed, but often spontaneity is what makes material authentic. Being recorded from time to time is part and parcel of being my companion. I would delete anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my private videographer, but companions help each other in minor capacities. I thought filming a clip here or there would be fun for Beth. Creativity thrives in partnership, and having Beth around makes projects lively and enjoyable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I would never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I value Beth’s friendship profoundly and want to avoid making videos to come between us. I am ready to compromise: like asking before recording, and steering clear of shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still considering hers. Obviously making content is not a replacement for real connection: it's merely part of how I live my life and I want her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Public Sentiment

Should Marielle stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a friend point a camera at you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to create content with. Given the dark, looming future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn't imply everyone around her is willing material. She must to respect her friend's personal space.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life publicly, but it’s not for everybody. It’s nice she has assisted her friend professionally, but she needs to listen to what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the focus in your relationship. Foster some real experiences, where genuine feelings are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. Even celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor genuine when they're together – she's on the job. Both seem unsure as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing clear limits around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle over-exposing their bond?